so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
