sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
