After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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