I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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