Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
