you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
