I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize