that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
