I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
