I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
