So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
