I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
