I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize