how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is wine microwaveable?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize