you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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