Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
