I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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