i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
