ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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