There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
