dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
