Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
