i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
