She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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