i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They took my balls.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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