ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
