I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
