i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
