Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
