God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Everclear isn't food dammit
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
false alarm, still single
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
