He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
