They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
