lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
