I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
