i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
