My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
why is half of my head shaved?
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