I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
