I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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