We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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