i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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