Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
