Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
