Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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