i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize