I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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