I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
