not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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