I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
