You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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