That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
