i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
