I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
