My cat gives me a boner
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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