did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
