i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
