My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found the puke drawer
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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