Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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