I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
