Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
