Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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