Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
