All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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