these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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