'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
