I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
