I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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