Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
